Caring for Aging Parents When You're on the Tenure Track [Pt. 1]

Hi Professors,

Happy New Year. 

I hope that you were all able to take some time off during the holiday break. And for those of you who are currently in Los Angeles or have family and friends who are based in Los Angeles—a place where I used to live—just know that I am thinking of you. 

It’s very difficult for me to comprehend the devastation and the decimation caused by the wildfires and the levels of loss that so many Angelenos are dealing with right now.

What a heavy way to begin the year. And I’m finding it difficult to stay upbeat—especially given the suffering that’s going on in other parts of the world as well as knowing what lies ahead in the American political landscape. 

So admittedly, I have found it challenging to keep up with my own work these days.

Since I run my own business now, this means keeping up with my schedule of regularly posting new podcast episodes. Although I had planned to post a new podcast episode at the end of 2024, I actually had to pause my schedule due to a family health crisis. I’m going to speak more on this in a little bit.

So rather than posting a new episode that is related to mentoring graduate students in light of the challenging academic job market (which is something that I will eventually share with you), I’ve decided to introduce a new set of episodes on the topic of caregiving when you are a faculty member.

Today’s episode of the Rise with Clarity Podcast will be the first in this series on caregiving.

I’ve mentioned before on this podcast that in addition to running my own coaching and consulting business part-time, I’m also a full-time caregiver for my father, who experienced a bilateral thalamic stroke in January 2023.

After being hospitalized for 45 days—both in the ICU and at an acute inpatient rehab hospital—my father was discharged for home in March 2023. He has since required assistance in all activities of daily living.

In the first 8 months after his stroke, I was also a full-time faculty member. So I experienced, albeit briefly—before my resignation in August 2023—what it was like to navigate faculty life while being a patient advocate and later, a full-time caregiver. 

During that time, I remember having to take some Zoom meetings in the hospital lounge or even in my dad’s hospital room. In those early days after his stroke, when my father was in a coma and the prognosis was very grim, I remember that everything that had given me stress about my job just kind of melted away. 

None of that mattered when you saw your loved one who was fighting to survive.

And once my father was discharged for home, I became one of his primary caregivers. I had to cancel all of my speaking engagements and also withdraw from numerous commitments that were no longer possible given my schedule. And at that time, my father’s health was rather precarious. 

Everything had to be put onto the back burner.

I lived in what I called—crisis mode—for most of 2023. On top of that, I was trying to decide whether to resign or retire from my tenured faculty position (and if I would have retired that would have meant staying until age 50). I was doing this while interacting with mostly aloof and unconcerned administrators. 

I was also trying to see some of my graduate students through their milestones during this time.

It was probably one of the toughest periods of my life. Because I was not only coping with my dad’s health crisis, which was new to me, but also trying to navigate an institution that was not really looking out for the best interests of its own faculty.

When You have to Navigate Caring for Aging Parents & Your Professorship

I was reminded of this crisis phase of my life when my dad was recently hospitalized at the end of 2024 for a few days due to an infection. There I was again, spending evenings at the hospital with my dad, serving as his advocate. This time, his stay was much shorter and he was discharged on New Year’s Eve.

Now that he is at home, he is recuperating slowly. But the caregiving has become much more complex. I’ve been trying my best to adapt to this new reality.

There are a couple things that feel different to me now than when I was a faculty member dealing with all of this. So I wanted to share some of these thoughts with you.

1) Since I’ve left higher ed, I no longer have to deal with toxicity on a regular basis, as well as expectations of hyperproductivity. I can focus on the things that matter the most to me. And so this has been a tremendous mindset shift and a shift in my life.

2) I’ve found that being in crisis mode can help to provide clarity on what is truly important in your life. Those articles that I submitted that I was anxiously awaiting the reader’s reports on…those just became insignificant. The constant busy-ness of academia and the feeling that I was never getting enough done? 

I began to ask myself: Does it really have to be this way? 

My dad’s health crisis gifted me the clarity that the system I was in was no longer meaningful to me and that I wanted to be in a situation where I was truly valued.

3) Our time with our loved ones—especially those of us with aging parents—is limited. But this situation is very challenging when we have full-time jobs that require a lot in terms of advancement on the tenure track. 

Many of us who are faculty who are in our 40s and 50s are part of what is called the “sandwich” generation. Meaning that some of us are providing care for both our aging parents as well as children while trying to advance on the tenure track. 

Each one of our situations is unique—so I don’t want to presume that what works for one person will work for another. 

But I do know, however, that more and more of us will be faced with this situation at one point or another, and that there needs to be more understanding and support for faculty who are caregivers. We need to be talking about this more.

4) If you are a faculty woman of color, then there may be a strong chance that providing care for aging parents—even in one’s home—is a cultural expectation. I think there needs to be a lot more discussion about this, and I hope to provide more resources on this topic in the future. 

But just briefly speaking from my own experiences as an Asian American woman…my immigrant Korean parents never planned ahead for assisted living or for end-of-life care. 

I wouldn’t change how things have unfolded for me, but I wonder how it may be for other women of color faculty—who are struggling to navigate the challenging demands in their jobs while also serving as advocates, calling insurance companies, and also providing the care for their aging parents who may not have support networks as immigrants.

5) Giving yourself grace is very hard, but necessary to do. It’s a practice and it has to be intentional. As a former academic and a card-carrying overachiever, I’m hard wired to perform. I have to constantly remind myself that it’s okay not to do all of the things. 

Especially when crisis mode hits. 

If you find yourself in this position on the tenure track—and know that life can change very quickly—I encourage you to speak to your chair as soon as possible to figure out possible strategies to help alleviate some of your workload while caring for an ailing parent. 

It could take the form of a family medical leave, asking to shift your teaching to another semester, or even inquiring about remote teaching—say, if you have to care for a parent in a different state. 

And most importantly, don’t beat yourself up if you are not able to make progress on your article or if you simply don’t have the bandwidth to work on your research due to caregiver burnout. 

In a future episode, I’m going to share what I’ve learned on my caregiving journey thus far that hopefully can help you if you find yourself caring for an aging parent while also managing the different hoops on the tenure track. 

So stayed tuned for future episodes on this topic.

That’s it for today. Thanks so much for listening, as always.