Two years before I left my faculty position, I went with a dear friend to an art show in Santa Monica. That show, called The Other Art Fair, felt like peak LA with the vibe, the people, and the warm weather. When my friend and I looked at the various exhibition booths at the art fair, we were both drawn to one artist’s work in particular. A photographer by the name of Bootsy Holler, who produces stunning, unforgettable images.
For whatever reason, one image resonated strongly with me. I loved the photograph, which featured the artist standing on a fallen log in the middle of water. I was moved by the image and the color scheme. When I spoke with the artist, I learned more about the story of how that image was captured, which I also found quite beautiful.
But there was an emotional tug as to why the image spoke so strongly to me, which I could not articulate or understand at the time. I ended up buying the print, which is called Andrews Bay, and for the subsequent year, I would begin each morning by looking at it. It was kind of a small meditative moment for me.
Upon reflection several months later, I realized that the image called me because it represented aspects of my situation during my last two years in higher education. Feeling very alone, out on a long limb. But I aspired to remain calm and steady in the midst of a lot of uncertainty.
It’s now been a little over one year since I’ve left my tenured faculty position and launched Rise with Clarity, my coaching and consulting business for women of color faculty. I wanted to offer some of my reflections on having left academia. If you’re interested in hearing about some of the reasons why I decided to leave my faculty position, please have a listen to Episode 1: Learning the Lessons of Tenure as a Woman of Color Faculty or Episode 9: How a Health Scare Made Me Rethink My Professorship.
In the midst of currently being a full-time caregiver for my father and running my new business, I have had a little time to decompress and shift into a new reality this year. And thanks to very supportive friends in my life and amazing coaches that I’ve met in the higher ed coaching community, I’ve been able to start to process this big life transition. I anticipate this processing will continue on for quite some time, as I was in the academy for 20 years and it was a big part of my life.
10 short reflections—one year out—on my transition out of academia.
1. This August felt noticeably different for me in that I was not full of dread.
I kind of had to pinch myself—like, is this for real? No doodle poll to fill out with my availability for upcoming meetings? No e-mails about committee service? No disappointment with myself that I didn’t make enough progress on my writing over the summer? Or stressing out about grant applications? No feelings of dread over heading back into a toxic and dysfunctional work environment?
None of that. For the first time in a long time, I was able to step into August with a sense of lightness and also curiosity. It was like my body was so programmed to feel a certain way in August because of the rhythms of the academic calendar. And this year, it was refreshing to not feel so heavy.
2. For many faculty, especially tenured faculty, there is a lot of secrecy involved in the process of leaving academia.
Even the rumors of a possible exit, which may or may not be taken, can have real repercussions and/or retaliation for a faculty member and their students. For this reason, the exploration of a possible off-ramp is often conducted in secret.
The Professor is Out Facebook group—which now surpasses 34 thousand members—routinely has posts from academics still in their faculty positions asking how they can possibly pivot out. And these posts are written anonymously for fear of being discovered.
It’s been freeing to be able to speak more openly about my career transition. But even so, since I am still connected to people who I care about in my former position, I practice discernment about what I say.
3. Connected to the last point, I think it was important for me to tell my own story of why I left a faculty position.
Leaving my job was not a decision that I took lightly. I worked so hard for it, and many people supported me along the way. But it was no longer tenable because the environment had gotten too toxic.
I’ve always been moved by this quote by Zora Neale Hurston:
“If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.”
Now with regards to my story of leaving: I could have chosen silence or given a very vague explanation…in many ways, that would have been the easier thing to do. But it would not have been truthful. And it would allow others to narrate my departure in a way that looks favorable to them.
I wanted to narrate my own story and not have it be written for me.
4. When you leave academia, there’s a lot of deprogramming to do and this takes time and conscious effort.
Just this past September I had a few pieces of writing that I was working on. One is a chapter in an edited volume on Coaching in Higher Education, and the other is an article manuscript that is based on what would have been the topic of my second book. I was able to finish the chapter on coaching and make good progress on my article revisions, but I’ll need to finish that later this month.
In September, I started to feel pretty crummy about not being able to finish both pieces in one month. But I had to deliberately stop and remind myself that last month also included a major road trip with me as a caregiver, which took a toll. So, there are times when I have to give myself grace and say: you know, this is enough for me right now.
It’s a process of recalibrating what I think it means to be productive.
5. Stress feels different in the body.
This is not to say that I no longer encounter stress or burnout—I definitely do as a full-time caregiver for my dad, who is a stroke survivor and who requires 24-hour care and assistance with activities of daily living.
But maybe it was the kind of stress that I experienced chronically in my former job—from toxic individuals and administrative dysfunction and overwork—that had a much heavier and darker energy to it.
6. The ascendance of rank in academia does not necessarily equal growth or evolution.
The vertical trajectory of success is so clearly defined for us in academia. And it can eclipse the personal milestones that we experience in our lives.
I’ve talked about this in a previous podcast episode, which was number 25: Name Your Personal Milestones as Well as Your Academic Ones.
I’m very grateful to have found coaching and the higher ed coaching community in the past few years. And a really special shout out to Dr. Katie Linder for the amazing coach training programs and the coaching community that she has cultivated. I know there is a lot for me to continue to learn in my coaching practice (which is now going on 4 years) and this is helping me to grow and evolve as a person.
7. This next one may not be applicable to everyone…but it certainly has happened to me. When leaving higher education, you lose touch with many individuals, friends, and acquaintances that you’ve known for a long time—maybe a decade or even more.
Frankly, I’ve been surprised by the radio silence from people that I’ve known for a long time and who do know of my departure. For some of them, it makes me wonder if I was only legible to them as a professor—a possible peer reviewer, a letter writer, or someone who they can commiserate with.
I’ve come to think of this process of leaving higher ed as jettisoning oneself out of a powerful gravitational orbit. And once you’ve left that forceful gravitational pull—that being academia—there’s not much that really binds you together anymore with the people you were once in community with.
I was not prepared for this aspect, to be honest. And I’m still processing my emotions and thoughts around this.
8. I’m surprised that I have been able to continue my research, which is something that I have always enjoyed.
It’s not like your skill-set as a scholar evaporates once you sever your academic affiliation. But since I no longer have to publish for the sake of a promotion, I can work on pieces that I’m really interested in and also publish more public-facing essays, which is more meaningful to me. No longer having a library affiliation, however, does suck.
9. The grief is real and it takes its own time.
This is very much connected to what I just said about losing one’s academic community, and there’s so much more to say on this topic.
For now, I will just remark that I’ve gone through periods of intense anger, resentment, and sadness during the past year. For me, it has helped to be able to share these complicated feelings with others who understand.
10. I don’t feel so alone anymore.
I started this podcast episode with the story of the photograph called Andrews Bay. That photo gave me a sense of comfort when I felt like I didn’t have any allies and when I had to keep my plans to leave academia on the down low. I have that photograph framed in my office currently, and I still love it. But I no longer feel like I’m standing alone, out on a limb.
This year in January, my friend Jodie Mader and I started a peer-support group called the Compassionate Cohort to help academics who are in the midst of their career pivots or who have already left higher ed. We just had our 18th meeting and we are definitely continuing to grow.
The intention behind Compassionate Cohort is to create a supportive and nonjudgmental online gathering space for former (and current) academics who are navigating the logistics and the emotional landscape of leaving academia.
We meet twice a month on Zoom, and it’s a great place to connect and to share stories, tips, resources, and wisdom with one another. Jodie and I started this with the hope of building community amongst academics who feel isolated in the process of leaving higher education. And we have been so inspired and moved by the folks who have joined us this year. So thank you.
There are other really great peer-support groups out there like Recovering Academics and The Professor is Out Facebook group. In comparison to when I began this process a few years ago, there are now more resources out there for people who are even considering this as a transition. I’ll go ahead and put the links to those in the transcript for this episode.
On a final note, I’m sure that as time passes, my reflections and feelings will continue to shift. I’m encouraged that there are more former academics speaking openly about the challenges of this transition, and that it will become less of a stigma to do so.
If any of this resonates with you, I would love to hear from you, to hear your own reflections on having left academia and starting a new career. And if you are pondering this as a possible transition in the future or you’re interested in learning more about the Compassionate Cohort (which is a free support group), do reach out to me at Katherine at RisewithClarity.com.
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Additional Resources
Support Groups
The Professor is Out Facebook group (private)
Compassionate Cohort peer-support group (facilitated by Jodie Mader and Katherine Lee)
Recovering Academics peer-support group founded by Gabrielle Filip-Crawford
For academics considering leaving academia, here is a list of higher ed and career coaches who may be able to help navigate this challenging transition:
Books:
Leaving Academia: A Practical Guide by Christopher L. Caterine
Becoming an Ex: The Process of Role Exit by Helen Rose Fuchs Ebaugh
Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes by William Bridges
