When I spoke with a senior scholar about my decision to leave academia, her immediate response was to say to me: “What a waste.”
Her response was raw and unfiltered.
In that moment, I was taken aback by this candor, but I gave her grace because I knew that my news was completely unexpected and took her by surprise.
During the past year, I’ve continued to circle back to her reaction and I’ve wondered why it has stirred up so many different emotions in me.
Sometimes there’d be anger. Other times, I would feel hurt. There would also be disbelief, like, “Did she actually say that out loud?” And then, after a while, I started to feel more of a sense of disappointment, which is where I’m landing now.
So I’ve come to the realization that her spontaneous reaction to my news can only be framed within an academic context. It felt to me as if I was only legible to her if I was a professor. And a tenured professor. And in that moment, I became illegible.
Truth be told, I suspect that there were other some things bubbling under the surface there, too. If I could put my finger on it, it would be connected to the fact that I’m an Asian American woman who received tenure in my department. And that my departure as a woman of color faculty member signaled a loss.
A loss of my place at the table. A loss of the contributions to my field of ethnomusicology. And a loss of the mentorship role that I could have provided to future students and to other junior scholars.
All of these things come together in the emotional roller coaster that I have experienced since I decided to leave academia. And the grief and the identity loss that accompanies this. It’s heavy.
I want to use this opening story to reflect on the narrow set of expectations that are cast upon us within academia rather than using this as an opportunity to throw some shade. And I want to encourage you to cultivate and honor your own personal milestones alongside your academic ones.
In this 25th episode of the Rise with Clarity Podcast, I’ll be talking about the importance of being able to name your personal milestones as well as your academic ones.
Academic Milestones in Higher Education (in North America)
In North American institutions of higher education, there are prescribed milestones that are set up for us. And I’m thinking of a milestone in terms of an action or an event that marks a significant change or stage in your development.
Think about that very first academic hurdle you faced, after you finished your PhD. Some of you may have gone directly onto the academic job market, throwing your newly minted PhD hat into the ring.
And for those of you who were fortunate to land tenure track positions soon after graduating, you recognized this as a major career milestone. Because you knew how difficult it was to land one of those jobs.
That transition from PhD student to professor is a big one. Once on the tenure track, the timeline to your next milestone is defined by your institution. They even call this the tenure clock. If you are serious about staying at your institution and advancing to Associate Professor, then this clock matters to you.
If you’re in a book field, that means beginning the process of revising your dissertation into a book, securing a publisher, and going through the peer review process. For those of you in article or STEM fields, then this could mean trying to publish as many high-impact peer-reviewed articles as possible. Preferably as first author.
After a positive mid-career review, you then work towards the next big milestone of going up for promotion from Assistant to Associate Professor. Taking the book field example, this entails seeing the publication of your book manuscript, securing good teaching evaluations, receiving favorable external letters for your tenure review, and showing tangible progress towards your next research project.
This process takes between 6-7 years, and it’s often very stressful and full of moments of doubt and insecurity. You can feel like the fate of your career or your life is in the hands of your letter writers and your departmental colleagues.
And I’ve mentioned before on this podcast that I do think there are additional obstacles for women of color faculty on the tenure track.
Now if you’ve gone up for tenure at your institution and achieved it—congratulations! You can celebrate a significant milestone in your academic career. And perhaps you can start to breathe a little bit easier.
The next set of academic milestones would be to go up for full professor, or taking on a leadership position in your department or on your campus. Later on, you could be recognized as a distinguished professor before retiring as emeritus.
Outside of your institution, other academic career milestones could include winning and overseeing a national grant, becoming the president of your academic society, or receiving a major award or recognition for your scholarship.
As someone who has traversed a good stretch of this path, I recognize that these milestones are deeply meaningful.. And if you are a WOC faculty and/or the first in your family to graduate with a PhD, meeting and surpassing these academic milestones are not only a huge win for you but also for your family and community. I want to acknowledge that.
Make Sure to Name and Celebrate Your Personal Milestones!
But onto this idea of getting into the practice of naming and celebrating your personal milestones.
For many academics, our personal identities are closely intertwined with our professional ones. Our academic milestones often become our personal ones. I’m not saying that this is wrong. But I would like to gently point out that almost all of these academic milestones require some form of external evaluation and validation.
Think about it.
A peer-reviewed article.
Your set of teaching evaluations.
The recommendation letters that you use for a grant application.
The external reviewers of your tenure file.
Your department’s vote on your next promotion.
The Committee for Academic Promotion and Tenure and their vote on your tenure case.
The book award that you receive from your society.
Everything hinges on judgement, and how others judge you and your scholarship or your teaching.
When all of your milestones are externally set, they can function as a constraint that closes off the possibility for other meaningful pathways in your life. And they don’t often allow you to celebrate the unique and personal milestones that will not be legible in an academic framework.
Along those lines, I’d like to invite you to name and honor your personal milestones. These milestones may only be meaningful to you and only you.
They could represent a moment when you overcame something difficult or they mark a time when you took a big step in your development as a human. Or maybe they’re connected to your growth as a parent or as a spouse.
What I’ve gained clarity on in the past year since my resignation is that the advancement of rank in academia does not necessarily correlate to personal growth and evolution.
Because the ascension of rank and the vertical trajectory of success is so clearly delineated for us in higher ed, our academic milestones can often eclipse the personal milestones that we experience.
If something doesn’t go according to plan for you, like experiencing a tenure denial or being told that your tenured position won’t protect you from your university’s decision to dissolve your department, it can hit very hard for you. And most of your hard-earned milestones are ones that you’ve banked in this academic system.
So what if you were to intentionally give space to your personal milestones that mark your own growth, as you see it?
I’d like to share two personal milestones that I’m proud of since they represent different times that I have had to overcome my own fears and limiting beliefs.
The first one was a successful solo drive across the United States during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. I’ve always had this fear of getting a flat tire or having car problems in the middle of a very long drive.
When I drove from California to Michigan, I planned very thoroughly and allowed for contingencies, made sure to check my tire air pressure and car oil every morning (hat tip to my dad), and I even got to do some sightseeing along the way.
One of the highlights of that trip was a solo hike at Snow Canyon State Park in Utah at sunrise, which coincided with a full moon. That was really magical. I felt a sense of accomplishment at the conclusion of that trip because I felt like I conquered my fear of traveling solo across the country.
The second one is of building my own small business. I never went through life with any entrepreneurial aspirations or thinking that I had any business acumen. To be honest, being a solopreneur didn’t even cross my mind until a few years ago.
In many ways, this has been a limiting belief that I have had to work hard to accept and work through. I’m still early on in my journey, since I launched Rise with Clarity last September.
A definite highlight of my new business is being able to meet women of color faculty from disciplines very different from my own. I feel so blessed that I can get to know and work with such brilliant women, and to be able to provide some support for them on their academic and professional journeys.
Starting a small business is hard. But I know that what I’m learning right now is helping me to grow as a person, and represents a big step forward in a new chapter in my life.
So, what are some important personal milestones for you?
Ones that are off the beaten track of the academy? And milestones that you are proud of and give you a great sense of accomplishment?
I’ll leave you with that question. Feel free to reach out to me at Katherine at RisewithClarity.com. I would love to hear from you and learn about some of your own personal milestones, if you’d like to share them with someone.
